I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
