In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
