No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
