Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
