woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
