I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
