I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
