hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
