just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
