Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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