hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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