In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Someone signed my nipple.
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