I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
