ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
