I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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