I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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