My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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