Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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