Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
