I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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