Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
