I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He better not be in your backpack
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
