everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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