yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
