Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
