Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
