Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
