forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
