either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
