Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
