There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
