3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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