Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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