just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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