Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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