I just pynch a tree in the face
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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