I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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