It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
