I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
