dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
