i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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