The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
