My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
