dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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