i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
