they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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