if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
