Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
