haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
