So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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